


The Kitchen is a Battlefield

by AbbySomething, Ishroux



Category: Lego Ninjago, The LEGO Ninjago Movie (2017)
Genre: F/M, Most likely with these two, Occasionally the ninja, Rating mostly for language and stuff don't worry, Slow Burn, mixed movie and series au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 00:00:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17797235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AbbySomething/pseuds/AbbySomething, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ishroux/pseuds/Ishroux
Summary: Forced into house arrest after his final failed attempt to take over Ninjago City, Garmadon decides to pick up on cooking to help around his estranged wife and son’s lives. However, the only person he can think to ask to teach him is Koko herself, and she has made it clear she isn’t enthusiastic to have him around. However, to his surprise, she agrees - though only for the sake of their son, Lloyd.At least, that’s what she tells herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi y'all. This was based on an ongoing rp with AbbySomething, so if it reads a little strangely, just bear that in mind. I have done my best to edit it to be somewhat readable, because you guys deserve to be in on this fluff too :)
> 
> Also uhhhh this is kind of a mixed movie and show-verse au sort of thing? So... yeah. 
> 
> -Ish

Lord Garmadon eagerly awaited his son's return from his daily trip to 'high school,' sitting on the couch in the open living room and staring at the black TV screen across from him. His 'ex' wife had come home from her second job just a little over an hour ago, though she didn't bother conversing with him beyond a curt greeting, already working on plans for dinner. The warlord would occasionally glance her way, observing how she worked around the tiny kitchen, unpacking groceries and restocking the fridge.

"I don't think L-loyd had any money for food today..." He not-so-subtly brought up, loud enough for her to hear.

Koko, rather used to deflecting snide comments directed at herself and her son from others, snapped back, "Well, I don't see _you_ helping out with that!"

Garmadon flinched, shrinking into the couch defensively. He was used to her short outbursts towards him, but they didn't hurt him any less...

Instantly, Koko… didn't _regret_ her outburst, per se, but rather she realized how pointed her comment was.

It had been some months since Garmadon had moved in with Koko and her son, and "stressful" was the most _succinct_ way to put it, in Koko's firm opinion. It had been bad enough just getting used to having the man back in their life; now, he was always in their space. In _her_ space.

Which, considering after the trial he'd been placed on house arrest and his "house" was now their apartment, meant that it was the _only_ space he was allowed to be in until his sentence was over.

Koko was trying to provide as best she could with three mouths to feed instead of two, and while she was used to skipping breakfast once or twice in favor of the free coffee at her primary job, she didn't want her child to suffer the same.

Maybe he'd just...forgotten to pack his own. She couldn't stop the small flush of embarrassment for his sake creeping up to her cheeks.

Sensing her distress, Garmadon quickly spoke up again. "Uh! I did help! That's... what I _meant_ to say..." He explained, not making eye contact with her. "I packed him lunch this morning... like a... a good dad. So... it's all okay."

Koko put the last item in the fridge and peered over at Garmadon from the kitchen doorway.

"...You did?" she finally asked, still sounding dubious. _What was missing from the fridge? Or pantry? What exactly had he put in there?_

Of course, her suspicion went over Garmadon’s head, and he replied with enthusiasm. "Yeah! He doesn't even know I did it, so hopefully it was a nice surprise."

Just then, Lloyd stepped through the door, immediately going straight towards his father. He didn't seem angry or scared, just...

"Hey dad," he started, "what did you put in my lunch?" He opened his backpack, and inside was pure darkness.

Koko walked into the living room as well, looking over and inside. She turned her head to frown deeply at Garmadon.

Still ever blissfully unaware, Garm smiled proudly. "Oh, it was just some - ... you didn't eat it?" He frowned as well, though his was more concerned than the one Koko was boring into him.

"Dad, the lunch you made me _ate_ my textbooks!" Lloyd protested, even if he wasn't all that concerned about them. In fact, he'd be happier to be rid of them forever, except he still kinda needed them for school…

"Well yeah, that's why you have to eat it first." Garmadon replied matter-of-factly. "Was it too cold? Or do you not like the slugs - I can leave them out next time-"

"Garmadon..." Koko said in a warning tone, crossing her arms and beginning to tap a foot on the floor.

"...What? I didn't know he doesn't like them..."

"S-slugs?!" Lloyd said in disbelief, his face dropping a shade in color.

"Nobody likes slugs!" Koko pointed out, leaning in to glare harder at Garmadon, "He's a growing boy that needs _normal_ food!"

"It _is_ normal food! Rich in protein, a little bit of carbs - everything L-loyd needs!" Garm protested. Lloyd flinched at the confrontation, quickly getting between them as he'd grown used to doing

lately.

"Hey, hey, uh," he said, dropping his backpack and turning to smile weakly at his father, "I really _appreciate_ the effort, Dad. But can youuu...just pack me a, I don't know, sandwich or something next time?" He then turned to his mom, attempting to shrug lightly, "Zane already said I can have his books. He memorized them, anyway."

Garmadon stared sadly down at him, feeling worthless once again. "Oh... okay... did- did you get to eat _anything_ today...?"

Lloyd's stomach chose to grumble at that moment, but Lloyd sheepishly nodded. "Jay and Cole shared a little bit with me," he said, "But I mean, it's fine!"

Koko felt that flush come again, but she determinedly squashed it back down. She put on a smile and patted her son's shoulder. "Well, I'll have dinner ready shortly, alright? Chicken and rice sound good?"

Lloyd wouldn't ever say no to whatever dinner his mother could do for the evening, even if it didn't always sound appealing, so he nodded again. Koko threw another judgmental glare Garmadon's way, then walked back into the kitchen to start preparing dinner.

Lloyd looked back at his father, feeling more than hunger like a pit in his stomach at his father's broken look. "It's okay dad," he tried again to console him, stepping up and putting a hand on his father's lower right arm, "I mean, you thought to try and make me something! That's, uh. What any good dad would do, right?"

Garm refrained from telling his son what he actually thought, and tried to give him a smile. "...Yeah... I suppose so... I can always try again, huh?" He turned back to look at the discarded backpack, which was slowly becoming enveloped in the dark matter as well. "I should... probably eat that before it starts consuming the furniture..." Lloyd looked at his backpack and cringed."Guess I'll need to use my old backpack for a bit, then..."

———

After dinner, Lloyd excused himself to his room, with the explanation that he had to Facetime his friends to give him the homework and textbook examples. Koko had assigned Garmadon to the dishes, and she took her turn sitting on the couch, trying to unwind from the day.

Garmadon washed and dried the dishes without complaint, having felt it was once again the least he could do after screwing up for the umpteenth time. He'd started to become familiar with where everything goes in the kitchen finally, not needing to ask Koko for help.

_Not that he would have if he wasn’t…_

He put the last dry plate away on the top cupboard, but accidentally brushed past the kitchen counter with his tail, bumping the monitor that was attached halfway down from the tuft of fur at the end. The device gave a few beeps in warning, to which the oni held his breath until it stopped, slowly closing the cupboard door and stepping away from the counter.

Koko glanced at him when the beeping started, but settled back immediately again. Garm wasn't going anywhere with that thing on his tail, not without a certain large _feline_ immediately taking a liking to the new laser-pointer that would emit from the device. She sat back and turned her thoughts to earlier. She hoped Garmadon had taken the hint, and wouldn't try to make Lloyd's lunch again, at least without more of an idea of how to actually make a teenager's lunch. Or human food, period.

Garmadon stayed in the kitchen for a while, not daring to face Koko yet until he had good reason. The couch was technically his designated bed, but he couldn't claim it as his. He thought for a long while, trying to remember what his son had said. Something about a sandwich? Was that "normal" food? If he recalled correctly it was just two pieces of bread with various things in the middle.

...That didn't sound filling at all - especially for his son, who was so _small_ as it is...

Yet he couldn't think of what else to make. He _could_ make soup - but no doubt that would cause disaster being placed inside a _bag_ for hours... and he highly doubted his son would appreciate skewered meat either...

If only he could cook anything else – and cook _well_. Like Misako...

_Misako..._

Garm glanced through the kitchen to the living room, seeing his estranged wife still sitting on the couch there. He either had just had the brightest or _dumbest_ idea, slowly making his way over to her like he was approaching a dangerous animal.

Koko heard him coming in, but didn't acknowledge him until he was stopped a few feet from her, looking cautious.

"Yes, Garmadon?" she prompted, glancing his way.

"H-hi." He started sheepishly, even though she had already addressed him."Uhm... dinner was nice! The one you made, of course. Because... well - _you_ made it, hah..." _Compliments were good tension breakers and conversation starters, right?_ __

Koko raised an eyebrow at him.

He'd been doing this... _thing_ since he moved in, where he was still complimenting and trying to flatter her, even though she'd made clear she didn't appreciate it coming from him. It had been one thing when the texts, voicemails, and gifts were still coming from his volcano lair, but now they were both reduced to hearing them straight from his mouth. In her mind, she found herself comparing him to a leaky faucet, only he was constantly overflowing with adoration for her that neither she nor he could manage to stop.

It was pathetic, really.

Garmadon swallowed, looking down.

_Right, get to the point you imbecile..._

"I just meant to say... well, you're a _good_ cook, and... I don't exactly have the _experience,_ and considering I can't... go anywhere else..." Garm glanced back at his tail for a brief second, then directed his eyes back to the floor. "...I was wondering if maybe... if you have _time_ that is - a-and if you _want_ to - ... to... teach me how to cook...?"

He kept his eyes on the carpet and fidgeted with his claws as he waited for her to either laugh, turn him down, or both.

Instead, Koko blinked in surprise. _Oh._ That hadn't been...what she'd been expecting. She gathered herself a few moments later, and sat up on the couch. "Uh, sure...?" she said with a hint of curiosity, "It _would_ be nice if you could actually make a _lunch_ for Lloyd...and dinner sometimes, too." She probably didn't need to bring up how poorly his _last_ attempt at "dinner" had gone.

"Y-yeah! That's what I was thinking!" Garm lifted his head, his tail curling upwards (he couldn't exactly move it much with the heavy device that was fixed to it). "Like, just simple but filling little recipes and stuff! That way you don't have to worry about cooking for everyone all the time, you know?"

Koko looked away in thought. That would be nice, but teaching _Garmadon? Herself?_ Hopefully he would at least be mature enough to not make it awkward.

...Who was she kidding.

"Fine," she agreed, standing up and stretching, "But not tonight. Tomorrow, maybe. We'll see."

Garmadon gave her a wide, fang filled smile, both relieved and excited at the same time. "Of course! You should get some rest, definitely. I can go and check on L-loyd... make sure he's... doing okay..." He laughed weakly, scratching the back of his neck.

"Sounds _great."_ Koko replied, a touch sarcastic, heading for her room.


	2. Chapter 2

Koko came home just as worn out as she was the day before, but she stopped in the entryway to the apartment when she saw who was waiting for her right inside.

Garmadon looked doubly eager to see her home as compared to his usual level, and Koko awkwardly tried to move past him to enter her home.

"Uh...hi?" she started, trying to remember what it was that he was obviously looking like that for. It had been two long shifts for her today, but she faintly recalled agreeing to something...

"Oh!" she started again before he answered, her memory clicking into place, "Cooking! Yeah!"

Garmadon was still in his usual full set of armour (of course, why wouldn't he be?), except he had removed his cape - possibly due to anticipating making a mess in the kitchen. He followed her as she moved passed him, still with the same eager smile. "Yeah! The kitchen is all clean and ready to go!"

"That's...cool," Koko said, setting her bag on the dining table and moving back towards the kitchen, noticing it was indeed clean(er), "but I figured we'd start simple for today. Maybe just..." She tried to think about what could be easy, and even easier to go through with _Garmadon._ The man could burn _water_ if he stood in the kitchen for too long.

He waited patiently for her to respond, his upper hands clasped together in hope. He wasn't sure what constituted as 'simple,' but he was secretly anticipating something like a cake, or maybe even sashimi.

"...How about just...rice?" Koko offered, thinking back to when she'd made Lloyd's lunches when he was little. It was certainly easy enough, since they did have the old rice cooker anyway.

"...Just rice...?" Garm raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms. "...I mean, I know I said 'simple' meals but... I'm not _that_ bad..."

Koko rapped her fingers on the counter, trying to think. "Alright, how about..." What else was a good lunch food that they had in the fridge now? "Grilled cheese?"

Garm had to think for a second before giving her an answer."...Why would one need to grill cheese? Wouldn't that just burn it?"

"It's not...look. It's just a sandwich that's been toasted or grilled a little, and cheese in the middle. It's easy." Koko explained, then took out the bread and sliced cheese and put them on the counter. She stood a few feet to the side of them, and gestured for Garmadon to step up.

_A sandwich? Wasn't that what Lloyd wanted?_

"...ah. I knew that. I was... testing you." Garm covered miserably, getting out the cutting board and the sharpest knife he could find. "Huh...?" He glanced over at the bread and cheese - which he now noticed was already sliced. How they did that so perfectly he couldn't understand...

"A pan... right..." Garm had to crouch down to get to the cupboard underneath the kitchen counter, grabbing the pan and placing it a little too aggressively on the top.

Koko narrowed her eyes at his use of force, but let it slide. Honestly...what had he been feeding himself this whole time? Or had he always had others making food for him?

Seemingly stuck, Garm looked at Koko for further instructions.

When she didn't say anything, he sheepishly pointed to the bread and cheese. "Guess I should... assemble the 'sandwich,' right...?"

"Yes, that would be good." Koko said, crossing her arms and leaning against the counter.

He nodded, and thankfully managed to get both the bread and the cheese out of the plastic wrap without tearing either of them. He then placed the first slice of bread on the counter top, sloppily slapping a square of cheese on top of that.

After staring at the unfinished sandwich for a few good seconds, he looked at Koko again, concerned. "That's it...?"

Koko sighed. "Usually, I— er, _Lloyd_ likes a couple slices of cheese, and then you put the second slice of bread on top of them."

"Oh, yeah that sounds better." Garm added three more slices, but still hesitated to put the top piece of bread on. "...So... there's nothing else? No... protein or anything?"

"Nope. Sometimes people add that, but let's stick to the basics for now." Koko replied. Garm certainly didn't need to be wasting good chicken or bacon on this first trial… "Now," She took the initiative and came forward again, turning up the dial for the stovetop coil under the pan Garmadon had put there, "Let it get a little warm, then put the whole sandwich in the pan."

He frowned, still thinking that a few slices of cheese wasn't enough.

While Koko was turned away from him to turn on the stove, he quickly slipped something in between the cheese before placing the top slice of bread to complete the sandwich finally.

"Alright," Koko said after a minute, hovering her hand over the pan and feeling the heat start to rise, "You can put it on now, before it gets too hot."

"Ok!" Garm nodded, picking up the sandwich and placing it in the pan.

There was a noticeable lump in the bread, and after a few seconds, something started to crawl out of the middle and onto the pan, looking for a way to escape.

Koko's eyes darted to the movement, and she immediately lifted the pan up and over in a single thrust, throwing the sandwich onto the counter behind them. The sandwich landed with a _splat,_ and a centipede quickly scrambled out from under it. Koko smashed the pan onto it once, but when she lifted it, the centipede persisted in life and continued trying to run away.

"Hey- what are you _doing?!"_ Garm stared at her with wide eyes, waving his upper arms out in shock. "You're gonna ruin the sandwich!"

“Ruin! It?” Koko shouted, smashing the centipede over and over until it was a mushy pile of bug guts, _”Lloyd_ does not eat _bugs!_ _Nobody_ does! _You’re_ the one messed it up!”

Garmadon backed away another step every time Koko slammed the pan onto the bench, not wanting to risk being her next target.

When the bug and sandwich were sufficiently smashed, Koko looked back at him furiously. “Are you going to take this seriously or not?!”

"I- I _am_ taking this seriously!" He defended, still keeping his distance. "There wasn't any protein in that, so I thought to add some myself!"

Koko groaned, brushing back the strands of hair that had fallen into her face."Bugs are _not_ a good source of protein for a growing boy, Garmadon.”

"Pffft- of _course_ they are! How d'you think _I_ got so strong?" He waved a dismissive hand, feeling a little less in danger of being hit. Just a little.

Koko took a deep breath, "If you were _that_ concerned, why didn't you _say_ something? We could’ve added...I dunno...some _chicken?!”_

“Why didn't _you_ just _take it out_ like a normal person? I could've had that for _my_ lunch if you don't think L-loyd will eat it..." Garm responded stubbornly.

"Well, you're the _exception_ then." Koko snarled back.

She carefully poked at the edges of the ruined sandwich, mouth twitching into a frown. What would have been _perfectly_ good food, absolutely wasted because of Garmadon's weirdness.

"Ugh, that's just _gross._ Don't eat bugs in front of me, at least." Or anyone, but maybe Lloyd's friends would find it fascinating…

"What?!" Garm raised his eyebrows in shock and confusion. "It's no more 'gross' than eating raw fish - or stuff that _grows out of the dirt!_ " Honestly, she was being ridiculous... besides, he'd been eating all kinds of things at the dinner table ever since he moved in.

"It's— That's not—" Koko tried, staggering to find a sufficient way to express how _different_ it really was, but then decided it was more than likely pointless with his hard-headedness.

"You know what," she said, taking a breath and holding her hands in front of her in a placating gesture, "This is a new rule for the household: No _bugs_ in other people's meals. And no concentrated evil either!"

She saw Garm about to protest and stepped towards him, raising a warning finger, "No! _Ah-ah!_ No arguing! I'm the one that pays the bills, so I get to make the rules!"

He _couldn't_ argue - but she damn well knew he _could_ pay her expenses _tenfold_ if she'd let him... _"Fine._ But _I'm_ still going to eat what _I_ need." He huffed, crossing both of his arms.

"Fine." She nodded, then straightened herself back out and turned back to the oven, then back to Garmadon, "Now, do you want to actually try again? And do it _right_ this time?"

He rolled his eyes, sighing, "sure, whatever..." then noticed that the flattened bug and cheese sandwich was still stuck to the counter. "Uh... should we clean up first...?"

"After you get the sandwich right." Koko told him, then pointed to the fridge. "Just repeat the steps I went over with you again, but this time _without_ adding a bug or...anything else! Follow my steps _exactly!"_

Letting out another exasperated sigh, Garmadon did as she said, remaking the sandwich under her strict gaze that time. He'd put less cheese in, just wanting to get the whole thing over with now.

"Alright, so... how long to I need to cook this for again?" He asked once he'd put the new sandwich on the pan, letting it sizzle on one side.

"Until the cheese starts to melt a bit," Koko informed him, hands on her hips as she watched, "Then flip it to the other side. Keep letting it cook for a bit on one side, then the other, until the bread's golden-brown. Lloyd _likes_ it that way."

She was sure to emphasize how Lloyd liked it, hoping to reinforce to Garmadon that this was for their _son_ and his _comfort._

Fortunately, that did catch his attention again, and he watched over the sandwich like it was his sole possession.

When the cheese started to melt, he reached down and flipped the sandwich with his bare hand, unfazed by the heat emanating from the stovetop.

Koko made a garbled noise, almost reaching for him out of sheer instinct, then remembered this was _Garmadon,_ who lived in a volcano lair and was half-oni and half-dragon, so the heat was nothing to him. But, still.

"In, in the future," she told him, rapping her fingers along her hip, "Please also remember to _wash_ your hands before handling others' food. Or use a—" here she reached for the nearby spatula, then waved it in the air, "—proper utensil."

"My hands are _clean,_ thank you very much." Garm stated, a hint of offence in his tone.He inspected the spatula curiously, never having seen one before... that he could _remember,_ anyway... "How do you even use that for food? It looks like some kind of... tiny, flat mace..."

Koko rolled her eyes and stepped in close to the oven, using the spatula as was intended, scraping around the edges of the sandwich until she got the utensil under it, then expertly flipped it to the other side. "Not _everyone_ has your tough skin, so we have to accommodate in other ways. Also, not everything is a weapon."

However, when she saw Garmadon reaching to try and flip the sandwich with his hands again, she smacked the back of them with the spatula, smirking. "But this one has multiple uses."

Garm quickly pulled his hand away, nursing it even though it hadn't hurt at all. Before he could think, he found himself leaning on the counter casually, staring down at her with a smug, daring look.

"Mmhm, I _bet_ it does..."

Koko frowned, then fixed Garmadon with a most unimpressive stare.

Scowling in the next breath, she took a few steps back and gestured to the sandwich on the pan, which was currently smoking.

"You're burning the sandwich." she informed him flatly.

"Ah!" Garm panicked and took the pan off of the stove, holding it in one hand while he frantically looked for a plate to set the sandwich on.

Koko easily took a plate from behind her and let it slide onto the other counter towards Garmadon for him to set the sandwich on. She then nodded to the stove.

"And don't forget to turn it off when you're done. Don't want to burn the place down, now do we?"

"...That can happen?" Garm asked as he did so, concerned.Honestly, what was the point of all of this new technology if it wasn't _safe?_

"Well," Koko said, admitting sheepishly, "It _can,_ it's just unlikely. Better not risk it. Plus, the gas bill's already high enough. Don't need to waste it by leaving the oven on."

She walked over to examine the sandwich critically, then sighed and relented. "Pretty decent...for a second attempt. And much better than the first." Or concentrated evil, for that matter.

"Right. Of course..." He watched her hopefully as she looked over his 'work,' giving a relieved smile when she didn't smash it to pieces again. "You... you think so?"

"It's _edible,"_ she told him plainly, then walked out of the kitchen past him, dumping her spatula in the sink, "and now you get to do cleanup."

"Y-yeah... I guess that's... fair..." He replied timidly, more to himself than to her.

He knew how to clean, at least. That was one of the _first_ things he'd learned since moving in...

"So... Do you think L-loyd will eat it when he gets home?"

"We don't know when he'll be getting home," Koko said, "But I guess you can reheat it when he gets in."

Which left her and Garmadon for dinner. Maybe just her, if he wanted to eat bugs or concentrated evil again…


	3. Chapter 3

There had been a few more "easy" cooking lessons that week - and Garm had gotten Lloyd to eat _two_ sandwiches so far. He still wasn't trusted to do anything on his own, however, confined to work under Koko's supervision.

But not today.

It was the weekend, and for once, all three of them would be home to enjoy it. That's why Garmadon had gotten up at four in the morning, and was now - surviving on three cups of black coffee - attempting to make 'breakfast.'

Having seen Koko and Lloyd do it enough, he _thought_ he would be fine - it was meant to be a surprise, after all...

He'd put bread into the 'toast box,' had an entire packet of bacon dumped into the frying pan boiling over the stove, and had set a plate out with six raw eggs.

He was dressed up in his usual warlord getup, save for his cape, wanting to look the part of 'Professional Chef and Family Provider,' humming to himself a long forgotten tune while he worked around the tiny space.

Koko woke initially to the smell of bacon, and her hunger took over her senses until her mind snapped back fully into consciousness. She rushed to wake herself up, then marched out into the main area to see the kitchen.

"Uh, what are you doing?" she asked first when she came up close to the outer counter, careful to keep her voice a little low for the sake of Lloyd's sleep.

Despite all of his years training as both a ninja and a warrior, Garmadon startled when he heard his ex-wife’s voice, jumping a little and nearly dropping the spatula he was holding.

"Oh! Good morning. I didn't think you'd be up yet..." He greeted her, then realised that she had seen his 'surprise.' "Ah- but I think you should sleep in today! You deserve it, you know."

"I am _not_ sleeping in while you burn the whole complex down. What the hell do you think you're doing?" she gestured to the sizzling, giant pile of burning bacon on the stove, and the mess of raw eggs on the plate Garmadon was about to add to it. She sniffed, and turned her head, peering around. "Is that...burnt bread I smell?"

"I'm making breakfast!" He replied cheerfully, using the spatula to flip the bacon burning on the pan - which had all melted together into a giant slab of meat. "Don't worry, everything is under-"

Garm turned to look at the toaster as she talked, dropping everything and rushing over to quickly remove the charred black slices. He bit into a piece - which might as well have been a piece of tree bark - then added the other to the plate of smoking, burned toast.

"See? It's still edible."

This man was a walking disaster. And most of it wasn't even his own intention.

Koko strode up and turned down the heat on the pan, then began to dig into the bacon with the spatula. She could kind of crack most of them apart into small pieces, but at this point it was unsalvageable.

"Take those pieces out of the toaster," she told him without looking at him, "And turn down the heat for the next couple slices. Lloyd and I aren't going to want to eat anything that resembles _wood."_

"But-" Garm started, then sighed, knowing it was pointless to argue. Even though he couldn't quite see _how_ , he knew he'd messed up again in some way...

He did as she said, his mood having completely changed from earlier.

Koko felt the change in his mood, but didn't let herself feel bad for him. He'd messed up! Even though it was kinda nice that he'd tried...

No, she was not going down that road. But, maybe she could _redirect_ it.Once Garm had loaded the toaster correctly, and Koko felt she had a steadier control of the bacon, she gestured with her head to the eggs."Do you want to learn how to make scrambled eggs the way Lloyd and I like them?" The _right_ way, but she knew his goal was to make his son happy, and by a large part _her_ too.

He looked over to her, surprised. "You- you still want me to help?" Even after he'd screwed up so badly? He really didn't deserve her...

...as a _friend,_ of course...

"If you want to learn to make breakfast, then yes. Since you're the only one who doesn't have a day-long commitment most days."

Of course she couldn't let him get away with anything remotely nice, or he'd start his usual tactic of getting _ideas_ about their utter lack of a relationship."But don't do this _every_ morning from now on, either," she chuckled a little, "This is way too many carbs and fat, for _any_ of us."

"Ahah.... yeah..." Garm tried to laugh off her first comment, though that didn't stop it from hurting him. What she said next surprised him, though, and he laughed heartily. "Pffff- what do you mean? You and L-loyd are both _tiny!_ "

“Then we need _healthier_ options.” She quipped back, though she knew already he’d probably take that as a challenge. Lloyd wasn’t done growing, but he definitely wouldn’t get as tall as his father.

“Alright, first things first: get out the milk, salt, and tabasco.”

"Milk? Why do we need _milk?_ " Garm said the word as if it was something repulsive, his face matching his voice.

"Because it makes the eggs fluffier." She explained, "And the salt adds flavor and breaks up the yolks. The tobasco is also for flavor because it adds a nice kick. Can you get a _move_ on now?"

"Alright, alright... if you say so..."Garm moved passed her to the fridge, reluctantly getting out the carton of milk. He dumped that, the salt, and the sauce on the counter, looking at Koko for her next instructions.

Koko was about to respond, until she looked at the plate of eggs and noticed half of them were missing.

"You ate _six_ eggs? _Raw?!"_  She exclaimed, looking aghast at Garmadon, "Are you— Fuck! You have got to be kidding me..."

Garm flushed even harder, though more out of shame now. "Y-yea? Did-... did you want some? I-I'm sorry, I... wasn't thinking... but there's six left! That's enough, right?"

Taking a deep breath to regain control of her temper yet again, Koko brushed some loosened hair back behind her ear. "Fine, I'll run and get more eggs tomorrow. But for now, just crack the eggs open into a bowl." She turned back to the bacon, taking the pan off and moving it to another area to let it cool. The stove and bill would be fine, lit, for the few minutes it took to prepare the eggs.

Shrugging, Garmadon crushed one of the eggs in his hand, letting the contents fall into the bowl. He preferred the shells in tact himself, but Koko was the boss...

Realisation hit Koko instantly after, and she whipped around ready to shout, but it was too late: Garmadon had literally _broken_ the eggs, shell and all, into the bowl.

"Oh, oh _dammit_ Garmadon..." She groaned, exasperated, slapping a hand to her face."Stop! Stop," Koko said, louder, "neither Lloyd nor I like the shells in! Almost nobody in Ninjago _does!"_ She pointed to the bowl when he looked up at her, looking downright pathetic now, "Pick out as many of the pieces as you can before we continue."

"No one?" Garm raised his eyebrows, confused. "No one in this city has _taste..._ " He muttered, using all four hand to try and pick the large chunks of shell out of the bowl.

"Maybe, I dunno," Koko leaned against that part of the counter, eyeing him critically, "Have you considered it's _you_ that has no taste? Mister 'eats _live bugs?'"_

She kept making him pick up as many pieces as she could see, and even though she shuddered at the thought of that crunch in the eggs, she let him stop without digging through them thoroughly. She eyed the amount of eggs, then slid the carton of milk over to him.

"Start pouring— slowly!— and stop when I tell you to. This is...kind of an eyeballing-it thing."

Surprisingly, he was careful with the milk - though mostly because he had his nose turned up the whole time, wanting to stop pouring as soon as she opened her mouth and told him to do so.

Next, he retrieved a "fork" (he liked to call them 'baby pitchforks') from the silverware drawer, holding it upside down in his upper left hand like he was going to stab someone with it.

"Ok, now start stirring the eggs and milk together," Koko ordered him, "but not too hard! Go slow."

Just as well she told him, because he was about to massacre the mixture with the tiny weapon. Pouting, he started 'slowly' whisking around the eggs and milk with the fork, holding the bowl in his lower hands.

"...You can go a little faster than that." Koko said blankly. He was treating it like it was fragile when the point was to _mix_ them together.

Garm instantly picked up speed, having no concept of adjustment as he started attacking the eggs.

"Not that fast!" Koko said, jumping up straight, "Honestly, just... go some pace in between."

He rolled his eyes, slowing down again until he was _a fraction_ faster than how he'd been stirring it before.

Ugh. He was such a _child._ __"Do you want me to do it?" She asked, annoyed.

He stared at her for a while, thinking about it. He did, but his pride told him that he didn't need her help, and he held the bowl away from her.

"No. I can do it..."

"Fine." She said, crossing her arms.

When he'd finally beaten the eggs to a good point, she nodded to the salt and tobasco. "Now add a couple dashes of salt and the sauce. Not too much of either, say maybe...five dashes? Should about do it."

"Hm."

He put down the bowl and picked up the salt in one hand, and uncapped the sauce with his lower two, then proceeded to add _a lot more_ than a few 'dashes' of each.

"No!" Koko shouted, jolting forward and reaching out, grabbing one wrist without thinking.

They both froze in that second, and immediately Koko reeled back, letting go, as if his skin burned at contact. Garmadon flinched away as well, dropping both the salt and the sauce onto the counter in shock.

"Don't...that's too much!" Koko went on, a little flustered. She cursed under her breath, and gripped the counter tightly in the closest hand to it. .

"Wh-w-... well how much is a 'dash' to you?!" Garm stuttered, his voice significantly higher than his usual low gravel.

"We'll go over that later!" She rushed out, then waved dismissively to the eggs, "Stir those in at the same pace as before. I'll...I'll find another pan or something."

She turned away, trying to regather her thoughts. She shouldn't have done that, now he'd be even more twitchy and possibly even _romantic_ around her.

_But that wasn't all..._

Rather than allowing _those_ thoughts to proceed, Koko angrily pulled out a large plate, and shoveled the bacon in the one pan onto it. Then, she put it back on the heat and stepped away, pointing at it.

"Pour the eggs in there and just, just stir some more. With the spatula!"

Leaving the condiments discarded on the counter, Garm hastily and sloppily began to stir the eggs again, trying to distract himself from everything that had just happened. Picking up the spatula now, he started to tip the bowl over the pan, trying his best to do as she said and stop his face from burning.

"L-like this-s?"

"Slower!" Koko barked as the eggs began to slosh around, "Fu— _Fudge!_ Morning sweetie!"

There Lloyd stood on the other side of the outer counter, looking bewildered at both of them.

"Morning," he said, evidently a little lost, "Um. You guys are making breakfast?"

"L-Lloyd!" Garm _genuinely_ stumbled over his son's name for once, nearly dropping everything he was holding once again. "H-hey! You're up early, hahah..."

"I heard you guys, and smelled the food." Lloyd explained, looking between both of them, "Kinda hard to ignore. Even though I tried..."

The last part grumbled mostly to himself.

"Oh, sorry hun," Koko said, trying to brighten up, "but good news is breakfast is almost ready. Right, Garmadon?" she forced a fearsome grin up at him.

He cowered instantly, forcing a fake smile of his own. "Y-yup! Why don't you... go watch some tv while you wait, kiddo?"

_Lloyd didn't need to see him failing miserably yet again..._

"Right..." Lloyd yawned despite having been up for a while now, hearing his parents through his door, "I'll go...do that..."

He went around the corner, but still glanced over at them repeatedly until he vanished into the living room area.

Koko let out a heavy breath, then snapped her fingers in front of Garmadon's face to get his attention again.

"Keep stirring! Gently." she instructed him.

Flinching once more, Garm hunched over and resumed stirring the eggs into the pan, still having to be told to slow down or speed up until he had the right speed.

The eggs were already cooking fast, the bacon grease bubbling and sizzling. Koko watched them instead of Garmadon himself, intent on making sure he didn't burn them.

Once they began to take shape and more solid mass, she told him to begin cutting them into smaller pieces with the spatula, and scrape the eggs around instead of stirring them. It was only a short amount of time after that before they started to crisp up, and Koko knew they were done.

Garmadon was quiet once more, both for his own sake and hers, simply nodding whenever she instructed him. He managed to follow along, though his hands were shaking slightly the whole time.

Meanwhile, Lloyd was switching between the morning cartoons, Good Morning Ninjago, and a nature documentary, trying to ignore his parents for his own sanity.

"Alright, looks like that's good." Koko turned off the heat, and moved around Garmadon in a wide circle to get to the regular plates, pulling three out.

She retrieved the two slices of salvaged toast, which were cool enough to eat now, putting one on each plate.

"Breakfast is ready honey!" She called to Lloyd.

Lloyd switched off the tv and got up, letting out a yawn and heading around the corner to the table, where he then offered to help his mother set up.

His father was wearing that painfully fake smile again, getting himself one of the burnt pieces of toast and trying to help as well.

Koko barely loaded her plate with food, aware of the carbs and fat in all the items. Lloyd made up for that by loading his plate heavily, even taking one of the burnt pieces of toast and layering it on top of his pile. Koko gawked at that, but let him take it without comment.

They both poured out glasses of milk and juice, respectively, then carried them into the living room area. Koko seated herself at the end of the couch, with Lloyd going for the middle: his usual spot.

Garm followed behind them sheepishly, then hesitated, wondering if he had really _earned_ his seat on the other end.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly seated himself next to his son, the entire couch sagging under his weight and tipping slightly.

Lloyd was already digging in, not even pausing as his father sat down. "'Ey," he said around a mouthful of food, "dis's guh'd!"

"Swallow your food first Lloyd." Koko immediately said, carefully biting into the bacon, which was a little burnt but not bad.

"He's fine, Kokes- _Koko_. .." Garm had to correct himself from calling her _that_ name, clearing his throat. "You think so, L-loyd?"

Koko grimaced.

"Yea!" Lloyd said after obediently swallowing his food, "Way better, Dad. And thanks for making breakfast in the first place!"

Garmadon _beamed_ , forgetting about his own plate of food in favour of hearing his son's praise.

"Aw, it's nothing, especially for _you._ _"_ He cooed, patting his son's head. "... y-your mother was a big help too, you know..."

"Ok, no need for that..." Lloyd muttered, batting his dad's hand away, "And yea, I figured since she was in the kitchen too. And, um. Well the food's good, thanks you two!"

He promptly shoveled more eggs and bacon in his mouth, not wanting to talk about it anymore. It was evident his mother had helped his father, merely because the food was _edible,_ but he didn't want to hurt his dad's feelings.

"Well thank you hun!" Koko beamed too.

Garm chuckled at his son's reaction, then finally started on his own breakfast. It was...surprisingly _good_ , considering that the eggs were cooked and(mostly) without shells. Koko blanched at the salt and spicy of the eggs, but they were indeed edible.

After a few moments, Lloyd gagged, and evidently began to struggle before quickly swallowing what was left in his mouth. He panted, tolerating his mother's concerned touch that was instantly on his shoulder.

He choked out, "Wh...why are the eggs _crunchy?"_ __

Koko's jaw dropped, then, of all things to do, she started _laughing._

Garmadon also turned to his son in concern, for a brief moment worrying that he did something to poison him. He was about to explain before Koko lost it, and he stared across at her, his cheeks flushing intensely.

_Ah, but she did have such a cute laugh..._


End file.
